


the very first words of a lifelong love letter

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [18]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany), SKAM (France), SKAM (Italy), SKAM (Netherlands), SKAM (Norway), SKAM (Spain), WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Asexual Character, BOY do i have a surprise for you, Character Study, Communication is key y'all, Established Relationship, Fluff, Found Family, Happy, LIKE A SHITTON OF SAPPINESS, M/M, POV Lucas VDH, Relationship Discussions, WARNING FOR SAPPINESS, all of the evaks living in Antwerp, also if you don't think the other isaks' internal monologue isn't as sappy, and all of the Isaks find it both endearing and annoying, but i have the feeling that if you've clicked onto this fic you knew that, but like who wouldn't?, finally right?, lucas and Michaël are the ultimate power couple but y'all ain't ready to have that talk yet, lucas may be gushing over Michaël, we want our relationship to be healthy right?, y'all know that all of the Evens accidentally flirt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23661781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Lucas learns more about Michaël. He learns that Michaël is a cuddler, that he is really good at word games, that he's sweet and romantic and likes to give Lucas poems whenever they see each other, that he really likes Ethiopian food and is a rather good cook and that when he smiles, the entire world brightens because how could anyone be sad when looking at Michaël 's gorgeous happiness?And Lucas also learns that Michaël, despite being one of the smartest people Lucas has ever met (like, shit, he seems to have hundreds of poems and the entire dictionary memorized), harbors a deep insecurity about his own attractiveness and worth that Lucas only somewhat understands.Seriously, Michaël has to be one of the most gorgeous men that Lucas has ever met. How could he believe that? How badly could people have fucked him over to make him think something as foolish as that?(Simone, most likely, Lucas soon realizes, as well as other kids who called Michaël a prude in high school and an entire world that doesn't understand his asexuality.)So Lucas makes it his (quiet) mission to help reassure Michaël of just how much Lucas loves him and appreciates him.
Relationships: Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña/Joana Bianchi Acosta, Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant, Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen, Lucas van Der Heijden/Michaël Claes, Lucas van der Heijden/Original Male Character, Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Niccolò Fares/Martino Rametta, Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Series: if this love is pain (then darling let's love tonight) [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550230
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	the very first words of a lifelong love letter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThatPilotGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatPilotGirl/gifts).



> Title is from "I Choose You" by Sara Bareilles. Both that and "Home We'll Go," the song mentioned in the fic below, are such Evak songs it's almost insane. I wrote nearly all of this fic to "Home We'll Go," if you all need a music suggestion.
> 
> Alright, guys, the long awaited Lucas VDH/Michaël focus fic that we've all been waiting for, with a Lucas POV that lasts longer than just the last scene in the fic. I hope that you all enjoy it!
> 
> (Also, after living in this universe for so long, it is SO weird to go on tumblr for Lucas VDH inspiration and find Van Der Stoffels because what do you mean Lucas and Michaël aren't happily together, living their best lives and being stupidly in love? Who is this white boy that everyone is shipping with Lucas instead of the love of his life, Michaël?
> 
> ...And then I remember that I'm just writing a fanfic and probably like three people in the world actually ship Lucas/Michaël, so oops.)

_Don't let your head hang low_

_You've seen the darkest skies I know_

_Let your soul shine bright like diamonds in the sky_

_So take my hand and home we'll go_

_Home we'll go, home we'll go_

**_-Steve Aoki & Walk Off The Earth,_ Home We'll Go**

Lucas has gotten used to all of them visiting. He got used to it back when he'd first moved in with Marti and Nico, gotten used to all of their friends (most of them quickly became Lucas' friends, too) randomly visiting and hanging out at Nico and Marti's flat.

But it's now, after he and Michaël have been told about the similarities between them all, after Lucas knows that Cris and Marti and other-Lucas and Robbe and Matteo and Isak are other versions of him, that Lucas notices all the small details that they have in common, mannerisms and backstories and favorite hobbies.

See, the thing is that Lucas has always been rather observant of others. He's good at picking up on what's going on with other people, noticing their tics and their traits.

Lucas sees the way that Marti and Nico can communicate with barely a word, like Lucas and Michaël when they play a game of charades. He sees the way that Robbe and Eliott are always touching a part of their boyfriends, like Lucas often does with Michaël. He sees the way that David can understand Matteo without Matteo having to say a word, how Robbe and Sander have the unparalleled ability to know exactly where the other is in a room. He sees the way that Joana and Cris only need to brush foreheads or shoulders and the other will completely relax. He sees the way that Isak and Even can anticipate each others' moves when dancing or playing football.

He sees the way that it's impossible to make it through a movie without one of Michaël's counterparts making comments about one aspect of the movie or another. Joana talks about special effects, Nico about soundtrack, David about costuming and makeup, Even about directing, Eliott about shot composition, Sander about backgrounds and cinematography.

(There's something comforting in this similarity, he knows, something that feels like home despite him being hours away from it. There's something comforting about having people understand him without him having to explain just how trapped he felt growing up in the closet, how complicated his relationship with his mother is, the panic he felt that night he thought he'd lost Michaël forever.)

And he notices, of course, the most about his flatmates, by mere exposure, and some of it is sweet and some of it makes Lucas' heart ache. 

He's noticed their lack of PDA compared to the rest of the group. It's not that they're not affectionate, that it isn't clear with every glance that they're full of love for each other. It's that they're not as willing (or as comfortable) as anyone else showing that kind of physical affection in public. It makes sense, considering where they're from, but that doesn't mean that Lucas doesn't wish they felt more comfortable outside of the walls of their safe spaces.

So today, when he walks into the flat, he smiles. Marti and Nico are swaying in the middle of the living room, a song playing in Italian over the countertop radio as Nico's arms are wrapped around Marti's neck and Marti's hands at Nico's waist. It's nice to see them happy, first of all, and well, as much as Marti is his counterpart, Lucas can't help but hold him just a little bit in an almost older brother position. Maybe it's the three year age difference, maybe it's the fact that Lucas is literally living in their fully furnished, fully adulted flat, maybe it's more than that. Right now, it's almost like looking into the future in multiple ways. One, because of them actually being different versions of Lucas and Michaël's love story, and two, because Nico and Marti have almost become the parental figures that Lucas never got.

In so many ways, it's reassuring. It make Lucas happy.

And it _certainly_ makes him happy when the song ends and Nico catches sight of Lucas. He lets go of Marti and steps forward, smile wide and warm. "Nice to see you home, Lucas!"

"Nice to see you guys, too," Lucas says, something blooming warm and steady in his chest. It means more than he could say that he's found a home, of sorts, here with Marti and Nico, a flat that feels more like home than any place he's lived since his parents got divorced and he left his mother.

That's something else that he's learned about since getting to spend more time with everyone, too. He's learned about the day-to-day with people who have mental illness and are making the effort to get treated. He's been there on the days when even treatment fails and their brain chemistry takes over and even that doesn't result in what happened with Lucas' mother, as Nico and Joana and Even and Eliott all have an absolutely massive support system and partners who are there for them no matter what.

Through this, Lucas has learned to understand his mother better. He called her, after he got back together with Michaël, giving her an apology and a coming out in the same conversation. She'd told him that she accepted him no matter what and that he'd had nothing to apologize for, and when the conversation had ended Lucas had tears in his eyes. Marti had hugged him and told him that things would only get better between them going forward, speaking the words like a promise.

All in all, Lucas is far better off since he's gotten to know these people, his counterparts, his friends, his family, his _home_.

-

And, of course, throughout all of this time, Lucas learns more about Michaël. He learns that Michaël is a cuddler, that he is _really_ good at word games, that he's sweet and romantic and likes to give Lucas poems whenever they see each other, that he really likes Ethiopian food and is a rather good cook and that when he smiles, the entire world brightens because how could anyone be sad when looking at Michaël 's gorgeous happiness?

Lucas learns about the way that Michaël has a habit of dancing, often unconsciously, when he hears a song he knows on the radio. (Michaël's kind of an awkward dancer, but that somehow only makes it _more_ endearing.) He learns that Michaël visits his mother back in Brussels at least once every other month, and that when he goes back on Christmas Day he asks Lucas to go with him, to meet his mother, with the fondest of smiles on his face.

(And of course Lucas can't say no to that smile. He goes to Brussels with Michaël and he meets Michaël's mother- who's also divorced, just like Lucas', though not because of an MI but because her and husband had decided to just peacefully separate and go their separate ways- and that night he and Michaël go to sleep in Michaël's childhood bedroom, squished into bed together. It is then that Lucas opens up about his mother and his father and the shitstorm that was his childhood, and it is then that Michaël holds him and brushes the tears from his eyes and promises him _minute by minute_ , they'll work through everything.)

And Lucas also learns that Michaël, despite being one of the smartest people Lucas has ever met (like, shit, he seems to have hundreds of poems and the entire dictionary memorized), harbors a deep insecurity about his own attractiveness and worth that Lucas only somewhat understands.

Seriously, Michaël has to be one of the most gorgeous men that Lucas has ever met. How could he believe that? How badly could people have fucked him over to make him think something as foolish as that?

(Simone, most likely, Lucas soon realizes, as well as other kids who called Michaël a prude in high school and an entire world that doesn't understand his asexuality.)

So Lucas makes it his (quiet) mission to help reassure Michaël of just how much Lucas loves him and appreciates him.

-

"We're going to a pool. In the middle of winter. Please tell me this doesn't sound strange to you, too," Lucas says to Michaël, sitting on Michaël's dorm bed as he pulls his jacket on. His boyfriend just turns and smiles at Lucas in a way that makes Lucas' insides melt. 

They've only been together for a month now, but it already feels like a lifetime in the best possible way. Maybe it's because of being around their counterparts on a regular basis, being reminded of just how solid their future together is, when there are other versions of them that have been together for over so many years. Looking at them- it's like looking into both a mirror and a looking glass at the same time, seeing both them and their future. 

Their counterparts have learned plenty of ways to work out whatever threatened to drive them apart, and dealing with bipolar or borderline disorder or homelessness or PTSD are far tougher than Lucas ending up making masturbation his occasional friend.

See, the simple key to a good relationship is communication. Lucas and Michaël headed back to Lucas' room after they'd reunited that night, and they'd had a long, thorough conversation about sex and boundaries and the two of them going forward. They'd agreed that cuddling, kissing, dating- that was completely and totally okay. Touching below the waist- well, sexual touching, as a hand held on the thigh when sitting next to each other was a slightly different story- was a bit more off limits. Lucas had brought up masturbation, cheeks going red, and Michaël had said that he completely understood. Lucas was what Michaël called "allosexual"- aka, _not_ asexual- and it was a natural need. Though Michaël had no interest in it, he very much understood that Lucas was differently wired than him in that way. The conversation had been honest and respectful and emotional and by the end of it, they were both well-informed on boundaries and safe zones.

"Have you ever known those friends of ours to be anything _but_ weird?" Michaël asks with a familiar crooked smile and Lucas smiles back at him with a shrug.

"Touche," he says, taking a moment to admire Michaël's smile- a smile that Lucas has full permission to kiss often and a permission he happily takes advantage of all the time.

Now that Michaël has his jacket on, Lucas reaches for the door to his room. Michaël, however, reaches out and holds a hand up in the universal gesture for _hold on for just a moment._ Lucas complies, able to read Michaël 's cues rather well.

"Before we go, though," Michaël says, and holds out a now rather familiar piece of paper- the same purple paper he's insisted on handwriting poems on, delivering one to Lucas at least every two days since they got together.

"You didn't have to," Lucas says with the most lovesick of smiles on his face, and Michaël just smiles back at him.

"Yeah, I did," he says, making the statement sound like getting to give Lucas poems is a privilege.

Lucas opens up the piece of paper to find Michaël's now familiar handwriting scrawled across the paper. Today's poem is Siken. A lot of them are either Siken or Dickinson, when they're not Michaël's own poetry- his two favorite poets. He told Lucas that they were the ones that got him into writing poetry in the first place, the way that he'd connected with those queer writers from very different centuries who had given two very different perspectives on queerness and isolation and life. **** ~~~~

_Your name like_

_a song I sing to myself, your name like a box_

_where I keep my love, your name like a nest_

_in the tree of love, your name like a boat in the_

_sea of love — O now we’re in the sea of love!_

It is moments like this that make Lucas' heart expand and expand in his chest until he's afraid that he soon won't be able to contain it anymore. He's not a poet- he's no artist- but he understands just how beautiful the small gifts Michaël gives him are. 

(He hopes, desperately, that what he gives Michaël means just as much to him as what Michaël gives to him. Lucas' love language isn't gifts, he learned long ago when the girls pulled him into a really weird conversation the one time- it's acts of service, and giving time, and he hopes that Michaël appreciates that. He thinks that Michaël does, but sometimes he does feel just a little insecure.)

Lucas opens his satchel and pulls out the small box that he's been keeping all of Michaël's poems and slides the newest one in, catching the way Michaël's smile brightens considerably out of the corner of his eye.

Then Lucas leans forward and pulls Michaël into a kiss, his hand going between Michaël's leather jacket and his button-up to press against his hip. Michaël, despite being asexual, likes being physically close like this- a sentiment that Lucas wholeheartedly shares.

-

They arrive at the promised pool location to find the door already unlocked, Marti and Nico hanging out inside with perpetually punctual Robbe and Sander.

"Nice for you to finally arrive, flatmate," Nico says with a crooked smile, and Lucas rolls his eyes.

"We're here before more than half of the squad," he says, "It's everyone else that's late."

Marti winks at Lucas from behind his boyfriend, mouthing, _You're all good, kid,_ and Lucas appreciates it enough that he doesn't protest Marti's use of 'kid.'

"Alright," Cris says, barreling into the pool house as Lucas and Michaël are pulling off their jackets and jeans, revealing swim trunks underneath. "I know you two are new, but you've seen the movie. You know that most of the first kisses took place in a pool. The only ones here who didn't were-"

Lucas Lallemant raises his free hand as he and Eliott enter the pool house behind the girls. "That would be us."

"And us," Lucas says, gesturing to himself and his boyfriend, who smiles at him and mimics rain falling down with his free hand.

"Nice!" Eliott says, offering up a high-five to Michaël that he takes with a smile as David and Matteo roll in. They both proceed to follow everyone else in stripping down to their swimwear. David pulls off his shirt to reveal mostly faded scars across his chest, leading to whistles from several people in the room- all of which David rolls his eyes too, save Matteo, who he pulls into a kiss. It's pretty sweet, really, knowing what David's gone through.

Then, last but not least, Isak and Even arrive just as Michaël is pulling off his glasses. They greet everyone and take no time to strip down, but Lucas hasn't had an interest in ogling anyone's abs save Michaël's for awhile now.

Michaël leans over to whisper in Lucas' ear after he's sat his glasses down on a pool chair. "I just want you to know that even without my glasses on, you're still the most gorgeous blob in the room."

Lucas can't help but let out a small laugh and lean in and pull Michaël in for a kiss that he happily reciprocates, despite not being able to see Lucas. He can still touch Lucas, though, still place a hand on Lucas' shoulder as a guide.

"And you're the most beautiful man in the world," Lucas says once their lips part, and he's not even exaggerating.

"Alright, boys," Cris says, clapping long-fingernailed hands together. "Welcome to the pool, newbies! I thought you could use a bit of a in-person demonstration of what the art nerds in the room like to call the 'pool scene.'"

 _The what?_ Lucas nearly asks, but then he and Michaël get pushed into the pool, where Lucas ends up opening his eyes to see Michaël there in front of him. Despite not being able to see very well, Michaël's eyes are open, staring directly at Lucas, and he can't help but push forward just enough for their lips to meet underwater. It's a bit strange and a bit slippery and altogether a bit magical, just as the others have described plenty of times, just like it was in the scene Lucas and Michaël saw in the movie at the Christmas party.

"That was pretty beautiful," Michaël says softly once they emerge, and Lucas understands and can't help but agree. Michaël 's art form is writing, not cinematography or painting or whatever, so Lucas doesn't think that the bit of this that Michaël will take the most joy in will be the aesthetics of the whole thing. No, he thinks that the reason why Michaël is smiling that small, beautiful smile of his is because of the story that they're all telling here, so close to that movie that he knows Michaël and his counterparts are putting the final touches on right now.

After that, Michaël gets his glasses back pretty quickly, handed to him by a rather helpful Eliott, who was the only one of their counterparts not to jump into the pool after Lucas and Michaël had gotten pushed in. Michaël puts them on with a promise from everyone else to watch out for him so that his glasses don't get knocked off by any shenanigans.

Then Eliott heads to the other end of the pool, carrying the volleyball that he and French Lucas had brought with them, and then he jumps back in next to French Lucas, who proceeds to split up everyone into teams. David, Matteo, Joana, Cris, Marti, and Nico on one side, with Isak, Even, Lucas, Robbe, Sander, Even, and Isak on the other.

"And you are _not_ allowed to backstab your own teammates," Isak says to Even, pointing an accusing finger in his direction, probably referring to something that happened before Lucas and Michaël were pulled into the friend group. "Got it, dear fiance?"

Even gives Isak a smile that's hard not to trust, bright in a way that reminds Lucas of Michaël, a smile that Lucas knows he would believe even if they were playing a strategy game that he knows Michaël is totally willing to take no prisoners on. "Got it, love."

"You two are referees, right?" David calls out to Lucas and Michaël, who nods.

"I think we can handle that," Lucas says, flicking just a little water at his boyfriend's face- enough to sprinkle across his glasses, but not enough to make it impossible to see. Michaël rolls his eyes and flicks some back at him.

"Eyes on the ball, refs!" Marti shouts as he spikes the ball across the ball, directly at Robbe and Sander.

"No hitting in the faces!" Michaëls orders as the entire squad descends into a madness that has Lucas laughing at their sheer collective ridiculousness.

-

They all leave separately, afterwards, each heading back to their own flats around the city. Lucas, Eliott, David, and Matteo head off in the same direction, of course, as they live in the same building, but everyone else goes on their own, couple by couple, almost like a reverse Noah's arc.

Marti, Nico, Lucas, and Michaël start off together, but then Lucas catches sight of a streetlight on the side of the road, and he looks at the way the yellow light catches Michaël's glasses, and he's reminded of a night just a few months ago.

So he stops. "I'll catch you guys at home," he says, and then he pulls Michaël's hand, just a little, leading him over to the streetlight. Nico and Marti wave but head on their way home. 

"I know it's not raining," Lucas says, "But our hair's still a bit wet and I was thinking-"

Michaël is smiling that small, fond smile of his, the one that lights up his eyes, and Michaël's the one to lean in, this time, to pull Lucas in, Lucas' hands go to Michaël's waist and Michaël's arms go around Lucas' neck as they kiss, here, like they did for the first time.

So here they are, sharing smiles in the dim streetlight, kissing each other, and Lucas can't help but think about first kisses and midnight promises and poems tucked into bags. This isn't what Lucas would have predicted for his life when he'd agreed to move to Antwerp to go to university, but he honestly can't imagine his life having gone any other way.

He's so lucky to be here, right now, kissing the boy he loves, living with a family he never could have predicted, with friends he knows will support him no matter what. He has a home, here, with the boy in front of him, with the people they just spent the last few hours doing stupid things in a pool with.

When their lips part, it's quiet, and it's just them for the first time in hours, and Lucas looks at Michaël and all he can say is: "I love you, you know?"

Michaël smiles that soft smile of his, the one that makes the skin of his eyes crinkle, and replies, hands falling to take Lucas' in his. "I love you, too."

So here, and now, Lucas' wet hair is quickly freezing in the brisk winter air and his jacket is a little too thin but Lucas can't bring himself to care, because Lucas has this, this simple, beautiful thing that he was once afraid he'd never get. He gets to be in love, gets to be loved, and that closet has never felt like more of a bitter, distant dream.

"Should we head home?" Michaël asks, and Lucas nods and squeezes Michaël's hand in his, one spot of warmth against the chilly Flemish night.

"Let's go home," Lucas agrees.

**Author's Note:**

> Was the song Marti and Nico were dancing to "Buon Viaggio?" Of course. What else could it possibly be?
> 
> Anyway, hope you all liked Lucas and Michaël and all of the screen time they got here! I had a lot of people commenting on the first Lucas/Michaël fic that they liked Michaël and his asexuality and that they'd love to see more, so I hope you all loved this as much as I did. Writing Lucas and Michaël was a lot of fun and it meant a lot to me, and I hope it felt the same for you guys as well! Please feel free to leave a comment if you liked it, as comments are what often drive my motivation/inspiration, especially for writing such rare ships as Lucas and Michaël.


End file.
